I’m starting a new religion
You’re more than welcome to join me
I only ask that you believe in the Holy Trinity
Of Batman, my Mother and Wikipedia

The proper day of worship for Batman is Wednesdays
From The Bat we learn
Truth, Justice, Self-sacrifice and the Duality of Man
From Him we get our moral Bat-compass
And our sense of Bat-right and Bat-wrong
The cleverest thing about our Lord’s Caped Crusade
Is that the greatest lessons he's taught,
He taught not by shining example,
but through the miracle of letting us see in the dark
Every one of His mistakes and misfortunes
and by letting us know who He is
behind His many masks
I am saved every time He fails to save
Someone He loves or a stranger or a sinner
I was shown the street Light the first time I watched
His parents die for our sins
And so like a kiss from a rose in Crime Alley
I try to remind those I love that I love them

The proper day of worship for my Mother is every Friday night
And on most major Jewish Holidays
(It has long been my understanding that when forming a new religion
One should borrow liberally from an existing religion
And then outright deny any similarities or claim those similarities as proof that their faith
Was merely a prophesy heralding your newer, truer faith)
So come celebrate my Mother
By sitting down to Sabbath candles, Martinelli’s and bread
Or come fast with us on Yom Kippur
Or help us dust off a Chanukiah and the extra potato peelers
Obviously, we honor my Father as well, but I’m sure he has no problem abdicating
Deification to Our Sancta Mater
Goddess of Pragmatism, Learning and Good Humor

The proper time of worship for Wikipedia is
Any hour of any day
When you find yourself stumblingly bored and near a Holy Receiver
The Wiki-gods preach that Reality is subject to Consensus and that Knowledge is Truth to Power
They ask only that you read and promise to one day
Throw in your two cents
And perhaps a few cents more
To keep things running smoothly
And to give thanks
Wikipedia loves Peace
That’s why it’s there
To settle disagreements
And to calm the tempest between your temples
When the right word struggles to travel from the back of your mind
To the tip of your tongue

Come join my religion
It’s wide open
We don’t have pews
So we’ll meet on my couch in South City

Presuming we get a couch
Maybe we can find one on Craigslist